“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”—C.S Lewis (via artpixie)
Landen:I can't, my router is packed. What's it say?
Me:Landen Griffith = Lord Voldemort
Landen:Hahahahaha! No I don't! I'm 100 percent not evil!
Me:Nah you're 100% Death Eater material. I've seen you Avada Kedavra a toddler.
Landen:That was only one time, and it was an accident.
Me:Oh right, like that whole Dark Mark initiation thing. Yeah, I can see how that could be accidental.
Landen:They drugged me! And promised me free magic sweets for the rest of my life!
Me:Yeah, that's how they reel you in! They promise you things like "power" and "immortality" and "free Netflix for a month", but the joke's on you, buddy, because all you get is a coupon for a free massage from Snape!
Landen:Noooo... wait, I heard Snape gives great massages!
Me:Regardless, it's all a scam. They do have the best evil bake sales though...
Landen:Draco's pecan pies are outrageous! I think he breaks the "no white magic" rule though.
Me:Oh def, because those pies are absolutely sinful.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: OMG BRO
You: last night was crazy!!!!!
You: you don’t remember it, bro?
You: you were SHITFACED
You: you were all over bellatrix and then you vomited on wormtail but i don’t think he minded
You: tbh he looked rather excited
Stranger: WAT ARE U TALKING ABOUT ?
You: about last night, bro!
Stranger: i think u confuse me for the WRONG person
You: don’t be ashamed, bro!
You: it was a sweet night
You: even harry potter and his fag crew came by
You: ‘course, we were all too drunk to fight after all those bacardis
You: but you know how people write weird stories about us on the internet, usually containing some sort of odd love triangle between two drastically different people? i think they call it “fanfiction”?
You: well, it was like that, bro. shit was CRAZY.
You: snape and the sorting hat, hermione and arigog, rita skeeter and fang!
You: actually i’m not that surprised by the last one
Stranger: I HAVE NO IDEA WAT U ARE SAYING!!!!!!!!!!
You: calm down, bro!
You: i understand, i don’t really remember all that much, either!
Stranger: GOD DAMMET I DONO WHAT U ARE TALKIN ABOUT YOU GOT ME CONFUSED FOR A WRONG PERSON
You: it’s aight, v-man. it’s aight.
You: you don’t have to worry
You: bellatrix took the morning after pill
You: and anyway, you look like such an alien that your kid would’ve inevitably resembled post-op heidi montag, and no one would feel bad for aborting such a creature
“Hello… how bout that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it Sin City -haha. You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So there… there was two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack and Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys I thought "wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine.”—Alan, The Hangover
What I want, you’ve got But it might be hard to handle Like the flame that burns the candle The candle feeds the flame yeah yeah What I got — full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter And you pull them all together And how I can’t explain oh yeah Well well you (ooh ooh ooh ooh) you make my dreams come true (you you) you (you you) Well well well you (ooh ooh ooh ooh) oh yeah you make my dreams come true (ooh oooh ooh ooh) hell yeah
On a night when bad dreams become a screamer When they’re messin’ with a dreamer I can laugh it in the face Twist and shout my way out And wrap yourself around me ‘Cause I ain’t the way you found me And I’ll never be the same oh yeah Well ‘cause You (ooh ooh ooh ooh) hmmm hmm you make my dreams come true (you you you you) oh yeah Well well well you (ooh ooh ooh ooh) ooh you make my dreams come true (you you you you) oh yeah Listen to this
I’m down on my daydream All that sleepwalk should be over by now I know Well you hell yeah you make my dreams come true (you you you you) oh yeah (you you) I’ve been waiting for waiting for you girl (ooh ooh ooh ooh) Oh yeah you make my dreams come true (you you you you) Me you me and you I’ve been waiting for waiting for you girl (ooh ooh ooh ooh) all my life You make my dreams come true (you you) whoa (you you) Whoa whoa I’ve been waiting for waiting for waiting for waiting for waiting for waiting for waiting for (You make my dreams) ooh ooh ooh ooh I’ve been waiting for you girl (you you you you) (You make my dream you you you you)
this song reminds me of 500 Days of Summer and Joseph Gordon Levitt’s Han Solo reflection.
My mom’s friend’s mom (yes) called me on the way home from an all-day wine tasting tour. She wanted to know what I was making her for dinner. I said that I was making myself some fried tuna. She said that sounded gross. I agreed. She asked if I knew how to make fried chicken. I told her that I didn’t, to which she laughed out loud, because that’s hilarious. She then told me that I was going to come to her house and learn how to make fried chicken. I told her that sounded like a good plan, and we said our goodbyes.
Won’t she be surprised when I show up at her door with some chicken legs and Panko bread crumbs. Me, ftw.