Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At...– C.S Lewis (via artpixie)
About Death Eaters...
Me: Btw, check out my FB status.
Landen: I can't, my router is packed. What's it say?
Me: Landen Griffith = Lord Voldemort
Landen: Hahahahaha! No I don't! I'm 100 percent not evil!
Me: Nah you're 100% Death Eater material. I've seen you Avada Kedavra a toddler.
Landen: That was only one time, and it was an accident.
Me: Oh right, like that whole Dark Mark initiation thing. Yeah, I can see how that could be accidental.
Landen: They drugged me! And promised me free magic sweets for the rest of my life!
Me: Yeah, that's how they reel you in! They promise you things like "power" and "immortality" and "free Netflix for a month", but the joke's on you, buddy, because all you get is a coupon for a free massage from Snape!
Landen: Noooo... wait, I heard Snape gives great massages!
Me: Regardless, it's all a scam. They do have the best evil bake sales though...
Landen: Draco's pecan pies are outrageous! I think he breaks the "no white magic" rule though.
Me: Oh def, because those pies are absolutely sinful.
bro! lucius recaps last night's party for...
fuckyeahvoldemort: omegleshit: You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: OMG BRO You: last night was crazy!!!!! Stranger: >wat? You: you don’t remember it, bro? You: you were SHITFACED You: you were all over bellatrix and then you vomited on wormtail but i don’t think he minded You: tbh he looked rather excited Stranger: WAT ARE U TALKING ABOUT ? You: about last...
Sean: How do you make Lady Gaga go away?
Me: I don't know, how?
Hello… how bout that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it Sin...– Alan, The Hangover
An earthquake was probably the last thing that poor little island needed. And now I hear that the Caribbean is on official tsunami watch? That is just the balls.
hahahaaaa. just no.
Phil: When have you ever seen me scared?
Luke: When you walked through a spider web, when we were playing with an Ouija board and the wind blew the door shut...
Phil: (mumbling) That wasn't the wind, we brought something forth.
iamamandasaurus: You Make My Dreams by Hall...
I was drunk-dialed today
My mom’s friend’s mom (yes) called me on the way home from an all-day wine tasting tour. She wanted to know what I was making her for dinner. I said that I was making myself some fried tuna. She said that sounded gross. I agreed. She asked if I knew how to make fried chicken. I told her that I didn’t, to which she laughed out loud, because that’s hilarious. She then told me...
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